How to go from Friends to Lovers

This is a common question that guys have.  You have met this woman, she says she just wants to be friends.  How do you go from Friends to Lovers?

I really feel for anyone in this spot,  I have been there.

The answer is that it very difficult, but It is not impossible.  You really have nothing lose, so you should give it a shot, but I want to be honest and say that the odds are not in your favor.  The problem is, that once she puts you in to “only friends” category, it is very difficult to break out of that.

Sexual attraction was broken somewhere along the way.   It could  have been the first time you met her, or you could have failed one of her little tests along the way.  To go from Friends to Lovers, you will need to take steps to make  her see you as an attractive sexual presence.

There are many scenarios where men have been put in to the just friends category.  I won’t be able address all of the scenarios in this post.  Lets just say that how ever you got here, you are now you are just friends and you go to lunch, maybe get coffee regularly.    In those interactions, she often talks about her daily life, etc.  You take these opportunities, because it is your only chance to be close to her, even if it is only as friends.

The first thing you should do is to become much less available.  Stop the regular lunches, stop the coffee.    This is even more important if she is using these meetings to talk about some guy, or some jerk at work.  In other words, you are one of her “girlfriends”.  The fact that you are readily available to her is a huge problem.    You cannot be her girlfriend and be her lover at the same time.  And no, there is no such thing as a male lesbian ;-).  Seriously, when this happens, you are simply deepening the ‘just friends’ thoughts in her mind.

Next, I recommend that you get David DeAngelo’s Attraction is not a Choice eBook (click here).  This will give you the knowledge of how Attraction is created, and inform you the mistakes you made along the way.  This book doesn’t really address how to go from Friends to Lovers.  David will note that once she doesn’t see you as sexually attractive,  that this is very difficult thing to change.   What it does do is show you what you need to be attractive to women – it is foundational knowledge and critical if you want to be able to go from friends to lovers.

Try to use social gatherings as a place to be friendly and demonstrate your new skill.   Make sure you are paying attention to other people, preferably women, more than her.  If there is no other contact, then an occasional lunch or meet for coffee would be the next choice on how to engage her.  Be sure to make them a rare treat – for her.

Once you start being a sexual presence in her life, you might be able to turn it from friends to lovers.  The Attraction is not a Choice ebook will show you how to do that.

Lastly, be ready to walk away.  There is nothing more powerful, and women have a great sense when this is the case.  This is primarily for your benefit so you don’t get stuck.   And oh by the way, it is very attractive.  Once you have been thru of this material and internalized it, I promise you it will be easier to walk away than it might appear right now.  You will have more choice.  When you have that choice you might choose the friends to lovers path, or you might just look around you and say, man is that other girl hot…

In the end, there are two possible outcomes…

  1. It works, and you now have the girl you wanted.
  2. It doesn’t work, which is where you are now, and you have better knowledge for the next woman you want in your life.

If the woman is truly a friend, then that is likely to stay the same and she will be happy for you.  If she is just keeping you around as a fall back, or an emotional crutch, then you will likely part ways quietly.    Either way, it works out better for you.

Hope that helps, and good luck to you on your new journey.


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